“Why can’t I do this?” Amy groaned as she slumped to the bench. Walking the mile to her office had always given a calm start her day needed. Now she could barely walk two blocks. “What’s happening to me?”
Divorce was happening. Little did Amy know that divorce causes nearly a 23% reduction in physical mobility. Those going through divorce often find even the simplest physical tasks, such as climbing stairs or walking, overwhelming. That is only the beginning.
Divorce impacts physical well-being
Though it seemed a bit silly, Amy’s felt so badly she finally consulted her doctor. Tests revealed elevated blood pressure and cholesterol levels. “The stress of divorce triggers physiological responses that create long-term physical risks,” her doctor said. “For women, a first divorce causes a 20% increase in risk of heart disease but the second a 77% increase—risks that never go away. Divorce also increases risk of cancer, stroke, and diabetes for men and women.
“I know you’re young—but studies show that the younger you are, the higher the physical impact of divorce. So, we need to monitor you closely to stay on top of this.”
Amy knew the toll her divorce was taking on her financially and emotionally. But really?? It was doing physical harm?
As Amy researched, she kept finding connections between her divorce and her health. She shared her findings with her divorced friends—who then found connections for themselves. One friend lost 25 pounds after her divorce—something echoed by several men and women in Amy’s divorce recovery group. Significant weight gains or losses are one of the most common effects of divorce—bringing their own health impacts.
Other friends suffered increased anxiety and depression—not surprising given the huge adjustments they were making. But surprising in their intensity and duration. Research shows that insomnia, drug/alcohol usage, and immune system related illnesses all tend to increase for people going through divorce. Sociologist Linda Waite, PhD, of the University of Chicago notes, “Divorce and widowhood appear to have a more long-term influence on physical health than on mental health. Mental health seems to be much more responsive to your current state,” she says. “But, if you ignore your physical health by not exercising, eating well, or seeing a doctor when you are sick, that can have lasting impact. And (ignoring these) is what people tend to do when they lose a marriage.”
Steps to better health
Amy heeded her doctor’s advice and got serious about her health.
- Exercise—Though difficulty in mobility took Amy to her doctor, she committed to exercise. Even her slow progress began to lower her blood pressure and cholesterol. She heard some studies show that walking reduces depression, so she forced herself to walk to work—relishing the victory of a few more steps each day. She found those peaceful moments also led to happier days.
- Eat healthy—Amy also focused on her diet. Dreading eating alone, Amy chose take-out or frozen meals to eat quickly–but unhealthily. She resolved to make meals that fueled her body with nutrients to balance the stressors on her physical systems. With the new diet, not only did her cholesterol levels decline, she also found the time in the kitchen relaxing as she chopped fresh vegetables, experimented with spices, and explored new recipes. Her new hobby provided a welcome focus.
- Create a sleep routine—Instead of binge-watching late-night television to get through lonely nights, Amy set a firm bedtime and instituted a relaxation routine a half-hour before. The pattern eased her insomnia and gave her much-needed rest—which led to better coping during the day.
Divorce takes a physical toll. But, armed with information and a plan—people going through the divorce can mitigate these impacts and regain their health.
Resolution Mediation Eases the Stress of Divorce—and Mitigates Health Dangers
Process matters when divorcing—including your physical health. The statistics on the health effects of divorce are based on research of couples who used the traditional, adversarial approach for divorce. When each person chooses an attorney to “fight for their rights,” each often becomes a casualty in the battle.
While couples expect protection from the courts, all too often they instead experience ongoing strife and harm. By nature, the legal system pits spouses against each other. Ongoing negotiations, depositions, and hearings each bring anxiety and stress. More, the process often takes years—making this stress a part of life. All this exacerbates the mistrust and conflict that initially caused the divorce. The anger, fighting, and financial stress take a huge toll. Leaving people devastated—emotionally, financially, and physically.
At Resolution Mediation, LLC, we offer couples something very different. We provide a path for clients to work with each other to make the best transition to life after divorce. We understand that many people who have decided to end their marriage often still care for their spouse. Even high conflict couples usually don’t want to actively hurt their spouse. For those who truly do want to hurt the other, they still care about their own future. We help protect all these.
We provide a process that resolves the legal, financial, and—if needed—parenting issues between the spouses (or, in paternity, between parents). We do this in an environment of peace and calm. We seek to understand the fears and address these in agreements that work for both. We start by thoroughly explaining all the issues couples need to address. While people are often keenly aware of some issues, they are often completely unaware of others. People just don’t know what they don’t know. The information we provide ensures full education for (therefore full protection in) the process.
We then offer:
- Detailed information on the couple’s options—both the options available in court and options available outside the court system,
- Explanations of the differences in types of money in divorce—i.e. how equity in the house is different than money in a brokerage account which is different than money in retirement plans. We help couples understand how to use their resources to plan for financial security for both.
- Options for the various parenting plans and how to tailor these to the needs of the children and the parents. We also talk through the variety of ways couples can financially provide for their children’s needs.
We guide discussions to learn each client’s perspectives and priorities. We then help couples fashion agreements that meet each person’s priorities—as best as circumstances allow. This gives each person more voice into the process and more control over the decisions that will shape the rest of their lives. This power significantly reduces the trauma and stress of divorce.
Instead of pitting people against each other, our process empowers couples to communicate and cooperate more effectively so that they can achieve a workable divorce.
Experts often recommend mediation as being efficient, cost-effective, and private. All this is true. More, our style of mediation also reduces stress—which reduces the physical damage of divorce.
If you would like more information on how we would work with you (or someone you know who is facing divorce)—call 317-793-0825 or email use at info@ResolutionMediationIN.com. We look forward to speaking with you.
As always, the above is for information only. Seek a professional for guidance in your personal situation. This is an advertisement
