“We finally found a mediator we both like, and she’s great.” John shared over coffee. “But, I had no idea there were so many decisions! And, they change our whole lives—finances, lifestyle, parenting. I can’t wrap my mind around them. And, Jen needs to figure out how to go back to work. This has me in knots—I can’t sleep or eat or concentrate at work.” John echoed what many of those navigating divorce feel. Help comes when people seek the benefits of a team in divorce.
What is a “divorce team?”
A divorce team is a group of professionals that help you successfully navigate the complex decisions divorce requires. They offer advice and strategies on issues such as:
- How do I re-enter the workforce after being home for many years?
- How do I survive on the post-divorce budget or invest the divorce assets coming to me?
- How do I adjust to all the changes living on my own will bring?
- How do I parent on my own?
- What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
Different people need different areas of assistance, thus different team members. Or, you may need to change up the team as you go. Knowing options helps you make the best choices during and after your divorce.
When might I need a counselor on my team?
Marriage provides identity, connection, financial security, living arrangements, and a social network—even when the marriage is rocky. Losing all these creates trauma. More, divorce is considered more difficult than the death of a spouse—because death isn’t chosen. This level of grief takes time to process.
Having someone help you process the grief, anger, and confusion of divorce creates healing—which leads to hope and a more secure future.
Counselors help you know what to expect emotionally during and after divorce, clarify how this loss is affecting you, and build an independent identity post-divorce.
Counselors also often help you explore how your marriage came apart—especially those elements you might need to own. While hard, working through these provides a foundation for building a healthier relationship the next time.
Counseling also helps you parent post-divorce. Coping with the huge life-change divorce brings reduces your mental bandwidth—just at the time you need more bandwidth to help children cope. Counselors can guide on how to engage well with children in the midst of the hard.
More, your children are part you and part their other parent. It can be hard to distinguish between when you are angry with your child—or taking out your anger toward the other parent on a child who resembles them. Counseling helps tease this out. In short—counselors guide you to be your best for and with your children.
When might I need a financial planner on my team?
True or false—financial planners work primarily with wealthy clients to increase their wealth? False!!
Financial planners work to help people find financial security—both those who have it and those who don’t yet. Many prefer to work with college students, new professionals, people entering marriage, and those going through life changes such as divorce. All these need a financial plan. Exactly what financial planners do.
If you aren’t sure how to survive on your post-divorce budget, a financial planner can help you get there. They guide you in creating a workable budget—something 83% of Americans don’t have. They offer tips on how to match income to expenses, attack debt, and lay out a roadmap for financial security.
More, consulting a financial planner while in mediation prepares you for working with your spouse to divide assets and liabilities in ways you both need. More fully understanding your financial picture helps you define financial priorities. Rather than merely demanding a percentage, you can work with your spouse to use the resources of the marriage to meet the priorities for both.
Finally, a financial planner offers guidance on using the assets you receive in divorce to build your future financial security. They advise on how to use these to shore up short-term needs and invest in long-term goals. They help you get on your feet and thrive.
When might I need a divorce coach on my team?
A divorce coach is a trained professional to help clients navigate the legal, financial, and logistical challenges of divorce. They work with you to create a plan for post-divorce life, then they help you walk the plan until you can do it on your own.
During the divorce, a divorce coach first guides you on defining a vision for your life post-divorce. Knowing what you need or want for this life creates a helpful framework for all that comes next.
To create this vision, the divorce coach asks questions such as:
- Where do you want to live (which can affect parenting plans, housing, and finances)?
- What are your desires regarding the family business/farm?
- How do you want to navigate extended family interactions/friend groups/places of worship?
Having someone help you formulate a vision for what you need or desire for post-divorce life prepares you to make better decisions in mediation and sets a solid foundation for transitioning to life on your own.
The coach also educates you on the issues you will likely face in mediation and prepares you for those conversations. They can help you think through how your vision frames what you need to communicate to the mediator and your other spouse in the realms of finances, assets, and parenting. They also provide strategies for communicating these priorities in ways that reduce conflict and open dialogue.
For example, if you must re-enter the workplace, do you want to go back to the profession you had before, or do you need a fresh start? If you want a different career, will that require training or a degree? How might that affect your financial settlement—i.e. will you need extra resources for college costs, maintenance until you finish school, or a modified parenting plan to accommodate both working and night classes?
After the divorce, a divorce coach can help you use the vision you created to formulate and implement a plan for life. They can help you stick to the budget created with the financial planner. Find, apply to, and succeed in the college courses for your next career. Navigate finding housing, applying for a mortgage, and setting up living situations.
Much like a weight-loss coach helps clients create a plan for weight-loss and then provides accountability in sticking to the plan (or revising as needed), a divorce coach helps create and implement a plan for adjusting to divorce. They help you fulfill your vision.
When might I need a parenting consultant on my team?
In many families, one parent becomes the more hands-on parent. If you have deferred to the other parent and feel less prepared for parenting on your own—a parenting consultant can help.
Parenting consultants offer education on what children need generally and on what your children will need given their developmental stage and personality. They give you practical insight on areas such as:
- What food to stock
- What activities to do with children
- How to manage schedules
- How to set behavior expectations and guide children to meet these
- How to manage your own emotions while taking on the hard job of single parenting.
Working with a parenting consultant can also provide the assurance needed for the other parent to trust you. Many “primary” parents simply don’t trust the other parent to provide what children need. Because the other didn’t step into parenting in the past, the first remains convinced it can’t happen now.
Often, the other felt shut out of parenting and gave up trying. After divorce, they look forward to finally being the parent they wanted to be all along. But, they need help getting there. Parenting consultants provide this help. Help that creates two healthy homes for children.
When the “primary” parent sees the other parent actively caring for children—they find they can relax, support children in relating to both parents, and actually rest from the hard work of single parenting when children head to the other parent’s home.
Counselors, financial planners, divorce coaches, and parenting consultants all offer unique skills to help you navigate divorce and find a secure future. Who might you need on your team?
If you would like more information on navigating divorce, contact Resolution Mediation by clicking HERE or calling 317-793-0825. We look forward to serving you.
As always, the above is for information only. Seek a divorce professional for guidance in your personal situation.
