Memorial Day–the unofficial start to summer!! While many cheer the coming summer, Ann admits she feels more dread than excitement. Ann lives in Indiana, while former husband Bob moved to Texas after their divorce last fall. This summer the children will head to the other parent for summer.
Ann wonders how she will cope with the children being gone for so long. She knows the kids can’t wait to have time with their dad. And, Ann wants that time for them as well. But, how will she survive? And, will they?
Good news! Parents who have experienced long separations due to distance parenting acknowledge they still miss their children and the special moments while kiddos are away. But, they have learned the time when children are with the other parent offers benefits as well. They offer tips on how to make the summertime good—for the children and for the parent sending them off.
Tip 1—Set children up well.
Of course parents wonder how such a big change will go for the children. When parents find ways to set children up well—fears ease for children and parents alike.
Ann decided to prepare children for transitioning to Bob’s home by:
- Asking what special things each child wanted to take to Bob’s home. She packed their blankets, each child’s favorite stuffed animal, and their favorite shirts. She knows nothing eases homesickness like curling up in a favorite sweatshirt or with the prize teddy bear—making both homes feel like home.
- She also sent Bob a small notebook that noted the daily routine the kids tended to follow, their favorite foods, and activities they enjoyed. She clearly stated she didn’t want to impose a routine or that he had to offer the same food or activities. She just wanted him to be aware of what children were used to in case it would help. She also asked him to share what foods and new activities they enjoyed at his house.
- Finally, she offered children options for capturing the special moments while at Bob’s. For her 5-year-old, she sent a collection box. She encouraged him to put mementos of his time with Dad in the box. The special rocks from their walks, clovers from the backyard, and tickets from ballgames. She gave her 11-year-old a journal to record memories of the days away. She gave both a disposable camera to take pictures of their summer moments.
As Ann helped the children get ready to go, she saw them get excited about time with Dad. She felt calmer, too.
Tip 2—Use summer as time to recharge.
Parenting is hard! Solo parenting—even harder. Children’s time with the other parent offers a huge opportunity for the parent back home to recharge.
Ann made a list of what she could do for herself while the kiddos were gone. They included:
- Friends to see
- Books she wanted to read
- Places to visit
- Household chores she wanted to complete
- Days she would spend in bed with ice cream and movies
- Activities she wanted to try
As Ann made her list, she realized she had more ideas than summer. Rather than trying to squeeze it all in, she put the highest priorities on her calendar. She even blocked days to spend alone without anything or anyone to answer to. The kept the other ideas on a “wait-list”—either for this summer or down the road.
Tip 3—Stay connected
Ann’s biggest fear—losing connection with the kids. So, she and the kids and made a plan for staying in touch.
- After conferring with Bob, Ann assured the children that she would Facetime with them at the same times Bob had during the year.
- She assured the children that both she and Bob agreed the children could use Bob’s phone to call her any time they wanted—just as they has used her phone to call him.
- Ann planned (as a surprise) to send letters to each once a week. She hoped they would enjoy “getting mail” each week.
Putting specific ways in place to ease the children’s transition to Bob’s home and Ann’s transition to days alone helped everyone prepare for the time away.
Distance parenting is hard—for both parents. Fortunately, technology offers ways to stay in touch, even when far away. And some downtime for parents allows them to be even better when kiddos return.
If you would like more information on navigating all the decisions divorce requires, contact Resolution Mediation for our Couples Mediation by clicking HERE or calling 317-793-0825. We look forward to serving you.
As always, the above is for information only. Seek a professional for guidance in your personal situation. This is an advertisement.
